Daily I struggle in the high calling of being a mother. Rarely I feel I am getting it right. Still, God has chosen to bless us (surprise us!) with another child due late September. I wasn’t ready. I’m still not ready. But I accept with a humbled and grateful heart. There is a lot of growing to do on my part, and growth is never easy. But it is always good.
I cannot say I am disappointed. To get pregnant without trying? I never thought it would happen to me. After plenty of waiting that followed a miscarriage, I’m thankful there wasn’t an issue this time around, at least with the getting pregnant part. I simply mean it was not my timing. I wanted more time to myself first. I wanted to be “ready”. I had a “perfect” plan in my head.
God has been changing my plans a lot lately. Mostly I’ve been okay with that. I learned a few years ago that I cannot plan out – control, rather – my life. But, my life is in Gods hands which is even better. And the less I struggle against my plans being changed, the transition is easier and I have more peace.
I have accepted the changes pregnancy has brought with relative ease, but I can’t say it’s been easy. My life of homeschooling, having an older baby, a puppy, and being in the first trimester has busted my abilities to the seams. I simply have not been able to fill all my roles and have had to do my best in the few most, most important roles.
But I don’t lose faith. I know it’s a season. I’m being stretched; it hurts, but when things ease up (and they will, I know they will!), I will be stronger have more capacity than before, through Christ. I foresee the next couple years of being a time of intense stretching with breaks here and there. But, who knows, I can’t plan or predict my life right? But one thing I do know, whatever life is like, whatever happens, I will always have Christ my Savior to lean on. In the end, that all I really, really, really need.
“Do not pray for easy lives; pray to be stronger people. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers; pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be a miracle.” – Phillips